"I See ______ On A _______!"

Jesus on a piece of toast?



Potato Chip Jesus?




Pita Jesus?



Really? Why would the return of any god be as ambiguous as this? Wouldn't he want to be seen... reach the masses?

How about instead of appearing to one person after a few minutes of toasting a slice of bread, he knocks on the front door of the Vatican?

"Hey there Mr. Pope, I'm here. Let's get this party started."

How about CNN or The Today Show? How about Wembley? His face appearing on the Sun or the Moon?

(unfortunately, this is probably what we'd do if we saw his face in the moon!)


Garbage Jesus:


It's a shrimp tail sans the shrimp!!! Really? That's how he's going to return? Are people so desperate for his return that they need to see his visage every and any where they can?

And what happened to the Second Commandment? A Google Search reveals many different versions: "You shall not make a graven image" or "You shall not take the Name of the LORD your God in vain" (the inverse being "Respect for God and the things of God") - respect does not come from Jesus' image appearing here:


That's just NOT right.

I just don't get it. Does Buddha appear in toast? We know Allah doesn't because that image is truly forbidden (by death I believe).

In summary, how about we look for our gods WITHIN and not without. Let's NOT see them in...

Mildew:

(and yes, I see a face... but Mildew? - Jesus is peeking into your life through Mildew? Why?)

Chicken Jesus:



Pancake (with a cameo by the Virgin Mother):

Finally - SPAM You Can Believe In!!

So, it is 1am and I open my email to find the following email from Serge G (and I quote):

"IT IS NOT A SPAM, but if you received that message second and plus time JUST CLICK DELETE button and have a nice day. Don't feel bad, please understand original Scarlett's family very desperate to shut down that humiliating antichristian "actress" clones line career development. Hello dear Ladies and Gentlemen! I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson ?actress? actually is a clone from original person Scarlett Galabekian last name, who has nothing with acting career, surname Galabekian, because of adoption happened in 1992. Clones was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy),most important - CHRISTIAN young lady!"

OK, so the real Scarlett is a nice CHRISTIAN young lady. Not sure what "d**n" sexy means, but she's not it! Evidently in Germany, these clones have be going on for a while now. Excellent. Some mention of Nazi involvement, because, come on, in 2009, Germany and Nazis still go hand in freakin' hand, right?

What the f**k? (f**k I understand!). This SPAM is not even asking me for anything. Not money. Not information. Nothing. Nada. I guess it is just a friendly warning about the evils of cloning and a warning to beware of Scarlett Johansson, since she is evidently not who we think she is.

Oh, fair Scarlett Johansson. You clone temptress from 33 movies since 1994. If I cannot believe in you and your scary talent (since you are a clone), then who can I believe in? LiLo? (that's Lindsay Lohan to you non-abbrevs). Don't make me go over to Keira or Dame Winslet (oh, sorry, I just time-warped into the future when Dame Winslet is the biggest and bestest actress ever!). But back to our fair, sad, clone - Scarlett. I knew I couldn't trust you in "Home Alone 3" or "Eight Legged Freaks"! Now I hear you're playing "Natasha Romanoff" in "Iron Man 2" - a Rusky with a hidden identity! You clones cannot be trusted.

You must be stopped!

And to make matters oh so worse, my friend, the Nigerian Prince, will be quite disappointed that this SPAMmer is doing it wrong!

Oh well. At least I got a blog out of it.

(P.S. Paul McCartney is STILL dead. Ignore the past 43 years of music!)

"Rent" & The Stage Door

Dateline... March 8, 2009... Los Angeles, California.

With tickets to "Rent" in hand, Mark and I head to The Pantages Theatre for the 1PM Matinee. This Broadway Tour includes Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal (the original Mark and Roger) as well as Gwen Stewart, the awesome belter who had the spotlight solo in "Seasons of Love" during the original run. The production was great, lots of fun, and then came (bum-bum-bum) the Stage Door.

With poster in hand we jetted to the stage door in hopes of catching the cast to sign. Well, after waiting over 30 mins, we only had Maureen, Benny and one Ensemble member. Bummer. On the way home, Mark says, 'Hey, lets come back tonight!' (Tonight's performance being the closing night). I said 'sure'.

We get back at 8PM shortly before Intermission and find ourselves first in line! When the show ends and the cast come out, we get Yuka who played Alexi and then (yay!), both Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal. Shortly after that, Gwen appears with bags and totes and looks like she's skipping the line. I shout out to her to please do the line and offer to watch her bags. She does! (on both accounts) and Mark even gets a great pic with her.

About 20 mins later, she comes back to get her bags, hugs us both and calls us "Prince among Men". Very sweet and a great experience.

Only blight on the night was a friggin' RAT that runs across the sidewalk just in front of us as we head to our car. I HATE RATS!!!!

Regardless, 'no day but today'!

Those Damn Rush-Hour Semis

Trucks on the Highways (or Freeways for us Angelinos)... are a menace during rush hour. If I ruled the world (which... come on, who wouldn't want), Trucks and Semis would be BANNED from the Highways during Rush Hour (6AM-9AM and 4PM-7PM). Where does Anheuser-Busch have to go at 6:30 in the morning anyway?

Trucks are the cause of many accidents - albeit indirectly a lot of the time, as cars try to zip around them. But let's keep them off the roads during times when sooo many drivers are out. Let's try it. See if it cuts down on accidents.

And while we're on the topic of Trucks, let's leave the commercial trucking industry alone and talk about those over-bloated Pick-Ups and SUVs. For my money, I've noticed that as the size of vehicles goes up, IQ points go down - "Hello you Monster Truck fans!" Not a triple digit IQ score among them. Giant Fords and Dodge trucks do not belong in Metropolitan areas. And yes, I am sure the stereotype of the drivers 'compensating for something else' is true.

Over-Thinking Jackasses

I cannot tolerate people who just don't get it. There are sooo many people incapable of taking a step back and seeing the big picture. Jokes or quips fall flat on them and every response they make is on the defensive.

A great example of this is happening today at work (full disclosure - I work for DreamWorks Animation). The Monday Morning Pundits are all out in force tossing in their two cents over a harmless quip by Jack Black on the 81st Academy Awards last night.

Introducing the Best Animated Feature award, Jack Black (who voiced the title role in our "Kung Fu Panda"), cracked a joke: "Each year I do one DreamWorks project, then I take all the money to the Oscars and bet it on Pixar." Moments later, KFP lost to Pixar's unwatchable and boring "Wall-E" (I hated it!).

So, at work, everyone is crying foul and how could he and blah-blah-blah... really people. IT WAS A JOKE! He's not slamming our films. Get over it.

But no, some people go on and on about the how rude and how bad and then debate the minutia of the supposed slur. Get a life! Step back! See the Big Picture! Most people just don't have a clue how to do this.

It's sad and it's what keeps most people down and causes society to crumble and will ultimately doom mankind and the planet. I see the Big Picture. I get it.