Why Must We Practice Subterfuge...

...so we can get it right.

WRONG... that's not the answer. The reason why we must practice subterfuge is because others do it to us!

OK, so that sounds nasty and cynical, but check out my case in point. Mark bought me a brand new iPod a few weeks ago. The state-of-the-art, 120GB iPod Classic - the largest capacity iPod on the market. The previous largest iPod that Apple made, the 160GB iPod (pre-iPod Touch) lasted only one year before getting discontinued. But I digress.

Mark buys the iPod from The Apple Store and not two weeks later, they discontinue my new 120GB iPod Classic and replace it with the new 160GB iPod Classic! Oh... for the same exact price as well!!! Well, I can't tell how effed I felt by my beloved Apple once again...

February 2002 - I purchase my first laptop, the Mac iBook... colorful, happy, clam-shelled and highly portable with a sweet little handle, running the lasted Mac Operating System - OS 9.1.
About two months or so later... BAM OS-X - the latest, greatest super Operating System that launches their new line of MacBooks into a new generation. As I'm about to file for bankruptcy, another upgrade was not in the cards. I wait until 2007 to enjoy this new OS-X.

April 2007 - with my Sprint Cell Phone contract expiring and in need of a new phone, I get myself a snazzy new Sanyo Katana flip-phone (ooo, isn't it cool) and sign a new two-year contract with Sprint. BAM! two months later the Apple Revolution smacks me upside the head again as they announce the iPhone (do you hear the choir of angels?). This phone proceeds to revolutionize phones and I'm shut out for two years. Oh yes, kiddies... I do (finally) get my iPhone - the state-of-the-art 3GS in July 2009.

SO... you can imagine that after all that, I am not taking this latest iPod Nonsense lying down. I begin to scheme, plot and plan, setting my machinations in motion.

First, since I cannot simply 'exchange' the iPod as it was purchased
at The Apple Store (who have a 14-Day Return Policy)
[NOTE: shop at Best Buy who have a 30-Day Return Policy.]

So, I decide what I need to do is to find someway to Exchange my opened 120GB for a sealed 160GB. But how? How do I do that... if I had a sealed 120GB, possibly I could finagle an Exchange. But what then do I do with the opened 120GB?

I've got it. I will Purchase another sealed 120GB from a store that would take back the opened 120GB as a Return (so I get my $$ back) and try to exchange the sealed 120GB for a sealed 160GB at The Apple Store.

So I go to Best Buy to Purchase a 120GB iPod and By Jove... they don't have any. Well of course they don't. Even thought the new 160GB has only been out for one week, the 120s were liquidated. Drat... foiled.

But perhaps not. I venture online and find that BestBuy.com has the 120GB. So I buy it, knowing that Best Buy will not only take back an open iPod, but the Store will take back an item purchased at the Website. Part I of my nefarious plot has been accomplished... now to wait for delivery...

...which comes five days later. Time to weave Part II in my sordid plan. I must take the Sealed 120GB that just arrived from BestBuy.com and ask (read: sway) The Apple Store to exchange it. But what tale to tell? I initially plan to go with a small stretch of the truth... "It was a gift from my boyfriend (truth) who gave it to me (truth) just prior to going out of town (untruth) and asked me not to open it until our Anniversary (lie)."

But no, I'm not confident enough in that tale... I opt to embellish and wring out a touch of sympathy. So I go with, "My boyfriend bought it (truth) for me (truth) to use in a Silent Auction or Charity (ding-ding-ding a three-alarm lie) - the AIDS WALK (a lie that leads to Hell) and I can raise more auctioning off the 160GB than the 12oGB (Damnation, meet Larry. Larry, Damnation)."

Well, The Apple Store said, "Sure, no problem" and exchanged the sealed 120GB iPod for a new sealed 160GB iPod. No money exchanged hands as it was an even (by their accounts) exchange. And even with Eternal Damnation looming, I walk away cheerfully having finally stuck it to Apple for years of shafting me.

Finally... Part III of my ruse is to wipe my the open 120GB and take it back to Best Buy. This is accomplished without a hitch, they credit my card and the subterfuge, nay - Ordeal of my iPod is complete.

The Moral of the Story: If Apple would have 'simply' informed Mark that a new, bigger and better, more state-of-the-arty iPod was merely days away, I would have no Blog for you today.

Why must we practice subterfuge? Because we all need to feel like we win. Apple needed to continue to sell the 120s - knowing that the 160s were around the corner - so they wouldn't 'get stuck' with them. Could they have simply have lowered the price after the 160s came out? Offered a more generous upgrade/refund policy? Sure.

Could I have just been happy with a brand new, shiny 120? Sure... but after two other instances of Larry missing the boat, this time, that I was gonna swim out to the yacht, clamber about, plop my drippy self down in the deck chair, and close my eyes, smile and listen to my Tunes.