Sunday, October 4, 2009

Oct 4 - The Curse of Cursing?

Disclaimer - If you are one of those people sensitive to those unfortunate words that have been ostracized by our society as being 'bad' or 'naughty' or 'offensive' - READ NO FURTHER (or your eyes may melt, your heart may stop, your brain may turn into a slimy mush that will undoubtedly ooze from your ears and your soul - should you have one - be irreparably damaged and scarred and you may never be excepted in polite society again!).

OK. You've been duly warned. So know I can say to you... Fuck you! Words are just fucking words that in and of themselves do no harm. Stop worrying about this shit and just fucking deal with it so the rest of us can relax and simply speak normally.

And don't toss your stupid "those who use bad words are just showing how unintelligent they are because of their inability to find a more suitable word" bullshit at us. We're not unintelligent, we just don't see the need to use a made-up stupid word (like frigging) to substitute for our perfectly good work (fucking).

Knock off this fucking shit! Now that I've vented, let's discuss.

The combination of the letters F, U, C and K (when used in a non-sexual sense) is a strong adjective, adverb and verb. A sentence like "What the fuck is that?" (adjective) is far stronger than "What is that?" Pff, that's simply quizzical.

Is there really a suitable 'clean' adjective for the example above? Clean substitutions might include in the world or the heck. I'm sorry. Neither of these properly express the downright horror or surprise of the original.
"What the fuck is that?" tells the recipient your exact state of being at that moment. If the point of words is to communicate clearly and effectively, than nothing is more clear or effective than saying "What the fuck is that?"

Take the phrase "Fuck me!" (used then you screw something up - or in actuality, when you fuck something up). Try to come up with a suitable 'clean' substitute for this one! "Oh my!" (really... not the same); "Gosh!" (please); "Darn it!" (milder than Ivory Soap!). And let's not forget that 'darn' is really just a euphemism for 'damn' - which you religious folk don't like us using.

Instead of embracing 'fuck' - a word we really DO want to use - we've come up with euphemisms for it (a cop out in my book). A e
uphemism is a non-objectionable word that substitutes for an objectionable word. If we are bothering to use a euphemism, then we all pretty much know what that objectionable word is that we're trying to mask. If Truth is all powerful, then using these little Lies on a regular basis cannot possibly be good for any of us. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!

Some popular euphemisms for our friend Mr. 'Fuck' would be 'frig'
(a new word that everyone knows means 'fuck') or 'heck' (an old word that everyone knows means 'hell' - which in some circles [yes, I'm referring you religious folk again] is itself a bad word). How about calling it the 'f-word' (now you really know what that is!).

Knock it the fuck off and start using this word in your daily life! I've recently seen people using the new word 'eff' instead of 'fuck'. I've seen it used as 'effing' as well. Come on. If you actually write or say "I hate this effing weather" you are using the word 'fucking' as the euphemism 'f-word'. So now you're OK with it?

WRONG. It just means you're itching, nay - dying, to use the real word and are afraid to. Embrace it, use it, love it. Get over it!

And now, we shall discuss a far milder word of dubious controversy that I personally REFUSE to euphemize (and those who do, should be euthanized - but that's another blog). I'm speaking of the word "SHIT". And I'm referring to every possibly meaning there is.

Let's start with what it is. Shit. Dog shit, bull shit... shit is shit. Shit is that brown steamy pile of waste that comes out of every animal on this planet. It is one, simple four letter word that everyone encounters DAILY. For some unknown reason, this poor word is a no-no. I grew up calling my shit a phooey. Others use doodie or doo-doo, poop or poopie or ew, the horribly clinical bowel movement - WHY?!?! What's wrong with the word 'shit'? Besides, the only thing the word doodie is good for is giving us all a smile and chuckle when someone uses the word duty in a sentence and we go 'there' in our mind.

The worst thing I've seen recently is along a walking path in Los Angeles where the sign states that all "Dog Excrement Must Be Removed by the Owner". Really?

You think excrement is a better word? I'd even prefer it if they said 'dog poop' or 'doggy doo' but excrement?!? How deep did someone have to dig to dredge this one up to avoid offending someone. Well, Monsieur. I am offended. It takes more energy to avoid using 'shit' than it should. Funnel that energy into something else.

Further, 'shit' is also a great multi-tasker that can mean 'stuff' or 'junk' - "Get your shit off my table!" Yes, I agree, you can substitute the other two words to sufficient effect, but 'shit' adds just a touch more anger to the party.

If I had to rate you on a Four Star Anger Scale regarding my crap being on your table (another euphemism for this usage of 'shit'), I'd say if you used stuff, your Four Star Anger Level is at a Level 1. Junk says you are demeaning my stuff a little and you're now at a Level 2. Crap is teetering on irate (Level 3) and by the time you admonish me to 'Get my shit off your table", you're pretty much angry and mean it.

So if the want to communicate clearly and effectively, let's not start coming up with words that mean other words when those words are there and awaiting your acceptance and usage.

Now get the fuck off the net and go find some shit to do outside. It's a nice day.


  1. I always chuckle at "duty" :)

  2. Hahaha. Very funny analysis. While I may not agree fully, I do understand how the commonality of a word should make it acceptable over time.